


Ushijima Angst Oneshots

by lililz2005



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Help, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Shiratorizawa, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Volleyball, You Should Have Come to Shiratorizawa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:22:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27584714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lililz2005/pseuds/lililz2005
Summary: A bunch of oneshots of some angsty Ushijima moments.  Don't read if you get triggered easily please! Stay safe!
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Ushijima Wakatoshi/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	1. Tears

Ushijima doesn't cry. That was the one thing he had decided when he was younger. His father had made sure to not cry infront of others. He would hide himself in the bedroom after his parents got divorced. So that meant he wasn't supposed to cry.

So when Ushijima got punched in the nose in 3rd grade he wouldn't cry.  
When his cat died, he never cried.  
Even when his mom left his life forever he still refused to cry.

After the lost to Karasuno, he would not cry. He could see team members holding back their own. He even saw some being released for everyone to see.

But he was confused. Why cry? What was the use? Yes, he was upset at the outcome of the game. After all, they where supposed to be unstopped and make it to nationals. 

Once they had made it back to school, he decided a shower would be best. Maybe he could wash away the uneasiness he had felt. 

Each drop of water couldn't seem to wash away what he was feeling. There was some type of emptiness in him. One he didn't no was there. 

After a lot of thinking, he concluded that he was just odd. He always knew he was. He could especially tell by the looks others would give him and whispers he would here. 

Though, the odd thing he had concluded was that he was emotionally odd. He seemed to lack a way to cry. Maybe one day he could, but since he always told his brain not to he can't cry.

Some psychological problems was causing his lack of crying. Which made him wonder if others had the same problem. He hoped he wasn't the only one. He was tired of being an outcast.  
-  
After his well deserved shower he got out and got dressed. The team members wanted to meet up to talk for a while and tendou requested he came with. 

It was actually just in Semi's room where they all squished together. Some didn't come, probably from feeling tired. But the ones that did come he noticed there was a negative mood around them.

He was never good with things like this. What could he do? Everyone looked upset and wouldn't speak. They had already sat in silence for a while now in the circle they had created on the floor. Even Tendou was quiet, which greatly concerned him. 

The next few moments no one expected, especially Ushijima himself.

"Uhm, I know we didn't win. I know that we can't go to nationals. I also know that you all seem to be upset by this. But does that mean it has to affect you for this long,? Yes, it is upsetting, but it's truly not the end for us. We will live past this moment and remember something out of it. I think what I'm trying to say is cheer up. I don't think I like to see you all upset about this." Ushijima finished and looked at the floor. This wasn't his thing that he was good at. 

The silence continued whish he wasn't surprised at. He was never good with his words. 

"Sorry, if that was out of place for me." He said, hoping he didn't offend anyone.

But when he looked up he saw something that got him very confused. 

Everyone's lips where quivering. Some wiped away tears and let out sniffles. Others had the look of shock on there faces. 

"Ohhhhh Wakatoshiiiii!" He turned his head next to him on his right to see a puffy eyed Tendou.

"I never knew you could speak like that! That was really nice coming from our very quiet captain." He said.

"Then why is everyone upset?" He asked even more curious and a little afraid he made the others cry. 

"We... We are crying good tears. Thank you." Said Goshiki across from him.

"Your welcome?" At least they where happy. Which made him happy. 

Maybe he would never fully understand tears. But maybe he would be able to at least learn that not all tears are bad.  
-  
-  
-  
It had been a week after they had lost to Karasuno. And a week since his little speech to his team.

Tendou was talking to him again about another anime he had been watching at the lunch table where everyone sat.

"-and of cOURSE he is convinced that he is his son. I'm sure of it. I bet he has conspiracy theories about another guy to with crazy purple hair. Because he looks jUST like this other guy who is a teacher-"

His attention wasn't focused on Tendou anymore. Beside him, his phone rang. He picked it up.

"Hello? Yes this is him."

Those words that came through the phone after that shattered him.  
\------

Earlier that week when the team was together in Semi's room, they had talked.

"I didn't see you too upset at the match today" Reon had directed towards Ushijima.

"I was upset. I still slightly am." Which was the truth. He was upset, but not as much as before right after the match.

"Really? You always seem calm and collected. Even when we where all pretty upset out one the court and emotional, you seemed just fine." Reon had added. 

"Maybe that is his super power." Tendou said while smiling oddly. 

"I don't think I ever aquired super powers. I just refuse to cry."

"Ever?" Shirabu asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Only when I was a toddler and a baby I suppose I would have." He said trying to think back on when he had ever cried.

"Well that's odd"  
\----  
Now he understood why people cried. 

Once his phone call ended he let out a sniffle. He felt sick and he couldn't move. His hand began to shake as he slowly put down his phone on the table.

"Do you want to watch it with me Wakatoshi?" Tendou asked as he turned to his friend. But what he saw was something he never would have guessed.

Next to him was someone breaking. Ushijima had his hands in fists on the table, visibly shaking. He was biting his lip and he could here him sniffling. His head was down so he couldn't see his face. Plus, his hair overshadowed his eyes.

"Wakatoshi? What's wrong?" At those words everyone looked at the man in the middle of the table. 

They could all easily tell something was wrong. 

Slowly he lifted his head and looked at Tendou and could feel a tear drop. Then two. 

"My-," he sniffled. "My father was killed. " He felt even more tears fall. Quickly get tried to wipe them way with his sleeve to no avail. 

Everyone at the table was now in shock. Ushijima was truly in pain. And seeing there captain cry made their own hearts hurt for him.

They watched dumbly as he began to break down. He now had his head in his arms which where on the table. They could easily see him shake.

My father.....  
He's gone.  
He was hit by a drunk driver last night.  
I will never see him again. Never.  
Everything I have done was for my father.  
Is anything worth it anymore?

The pain was horrible. It was all he could feel. He then remembered was infront of others.

They can't see me like this.  
No.  
They can't.

With that thought, he abruptly stood up, startling the others around him.

"Ushijima"  
"What's wrong?"  
"Wakatoshi"  
"Are you okay?"

He moved as fast as he could, almost running out of the cafeteria. 

Get out get out get out.  
Hide.  
Please.

What made things worse was that he could hear the others running behind him.

He ran to any escape he could.  
He took a sharp corner and almost ran into someone. 

"Are you okay?" the person asked. It was Shirabu.

" I-"

He slowly backed up, tears streaming down his face. 

"Oh my. Do you need to talk?" He asked.

He shook his head no as much as he could before he started sprinting again towards his room.

He could still here the others behind him, but was wasn't going to look. 

It was pathetic of him crying. 

And he was truly ashamed.

But what he was more upset was that now he felt worthless. His father gave him meaning to life. Now, that was all thrown away. 

When he got to his room he remembered that he had a roommate. That meant someone could come in any moment.

So he began running once more.

Maybe if he at least most them..... Everything would be okay. 

He ran up 3 flights of stairs.

He knew he had to of lost them by now. Me highly doubt they would keep running after him. 

But oh, he was very wrong.

When he had finally let in a breath of fresh air from off the roof top of the school. 

"Wakatoshi. Calm down, it's okay."  
Tendou slowly approached him

"I can't. There is no meaning to anything now"

"You will be okay." He said as his other teammates nodded and agreed behind him. 

"It won't be okay. Don't you get it?" He said now, with sobs shaking his body.

He now had no one.

His father was all he had.

"I have no one now...." He whispered to himself over and over.

He gripped his hair, now realizing how much he couldn't handle this. 

He was now going to suffer. Suffer from lost, and suffer from loneliness.

"Please. I'm begging. Go away" he said with his arms out infront of him. Slowly he began to back up. 

"WAIT" Tendou shouted as he heard the others yell.

He stopped and looked behind him. There was no more roof. He almost stepped off.

"Please let us help you. Okay?" Semi said speaking up.

Ushijima realized there was no escape. 

Except one.  
And it would be an escape for forever

He looked behind him. Then infront of him. He could move forward with his life. He could go to the people in front of him. Or he could end it. All it took was one step. 

But life wasn't worth it without his father.

Then he made his decision.

"I'm sorry. Goodbye" he said, right before he took a step backwards.

He felt himslef free fall and have the wind will around him. He could hear his team scream from above. 

Now he felt like he could breathe. But in a sudden panic he realised he didn't want to die. He did want to live. He wanted to live for his father. 

He wanted to live.

Instead, he was met with the ground to his head. 

That was the end of one of the best volleyball players and an amazing son.


	2. Please stop

Ushijima had a 2 secrets. He never kept secrets from people. He was comfortable answering honestly to anything. Except his secrets.

Which was something no one was ever supposed to find out. Not even his own father. 

You see, Ushijima's mother had came back into his life and asked that he would start living with her. 

Though, she was an alcoholic. That was his first secret. She was not in good shape at all. Sadly, no matter what he tried she wouldn't get help. Her boyfriend never helped it either. He was just like her. He was awful towards ushijima and somehow could overpower him.

That never meant he has fought back with all his strength.

Ushijima's newfound stepfather was abusive mentally and physically towards him and his mother was the same. That was Ushijima's second secret. 

They where a match made in hell.

Ushijima had learned that if he never showed you much emotions, then he wouldn't get hurt. 

'Never show emotions' was the rule he lived life by.  
\---

"Hey Wakatoshi, what are you up to?" Asked the red haired boy who leaned over him from behind. He had that wide wanted look he always wore with the oddly shaped smile.

"I am just thinking." Ushijima was sitting at the lunch table looking at his food. Usually, he never picked at his food but the night before when he had visited his stepmom for the weekend didn't end well.

Tendou sat down to the right of him and began eating his food happily. The rest of the table was talking and at one point Ushijima saw someone throw a meat bun across the table. 

"Are you going to eat that?" Asked an over enthusiastic Goshiki.

Ushijima didn't quite understand the happiness that shown through the boy. He always was looking for praise and wanted to find the good in everything. Though, he always tried his best to go along with it and please him.

"I believe not today I will. Do you want this?" He asked as Goshiki continued to stare at him with a smile.

"Bangs here really does look up to his senpai. But maybe just a little greedy to" laughed Tendou as Goshiki received more food. 

"Thank you!" Was all he said before he began eating once more.

Ushijima was not feeling good at all. He hurt all over from the night before. He wanted some sleep in before practice was to start for volleyball. He wanted to be in his best shape for the team and coach.

Maybe if he put his head down and closed his eyes for a second it would be alright.

He did just that.

"-right Wakatoshi?" Tendou asked looking at his team captain. But he was fast asleep on the table before the team. 

It was the most peaceful anyone had seen him be. They must have never of noticed the stress that was on him until now.

Which made several of them wonder, 'what was going on inside his head for him to act the way he does?'  
\--

Ushijima had woken up to Tendou shaking him and telling him that they were leaving. He easily lifted his head from off the table as everyone was rocking away chatting with one another.

He rose up from his seat shaking off the feeling as he felt. Something didn't feel right to him. Though, he wouldn't know what for a while.

Ushijima made his way to the gym with his teammates. He started doing laps around the court as directed by the coach. The uneasiness that was still in him was beginning to hit at him. During when they had to do sit-ups Ushijima realized he was going to be in pain.

There was still fresh bruises from the night before. He had to get to the gym first in order not to have anyone see his stomach or his chest. They were littered purple and blue spots.

He grimaced feeling like he's reliving the punches. He could see his stepfather in front of him and started to panic. He had to even out his breathing in fear of his teammates noticing. And especially having the coach notice. 

If they found out would he be kicked off the team? What if they have to stop playing him?

He could feel himself begin to sweat. The worry of someone somehow seeing him with bruises made him anxious. Typically he would never feel this way, but the beating from the night before was brutal.

"Ushijima, come on! Let's start a game!" Exclaimed an over enthusiastic Goshiki.

"Yes." Was all he said simply before going to the court.

The team had split up to two sides. He could feel energy flow through him throughout the game. Slowly, it's began to drain out of him. He hadn't slept at all night before and all he had was that quick nap at lunch. Eating had become tougher for him as well. It's so kind of a surprise to him and he could feel himself losing stamina. 

By the time 3rd match was over he was exhausted. He could drop like a fly any second but he couldn't let his teammates know.

"Ushijima!" The coach yelled from the sidelines. He jogged over in front of the coach. Ushijima had a feeling he was going to say something about his performance today. Everyone had noticed at least some slight change in the game.

"You need to get plenty of rest tonight. You are off your game today. Which is rare for you. I expect better tomorrow." He bowed in response and nodded. 

After that he took his time going to the locker room. He refused to change infront of others. 

It wasn't odd for Ushijima take a few more laps around the court after practice. So when his teammates saw him doing so they barley gave it a second glance. 

Of course, anyone really looking would see that he was on the verge of collapsing. Running always gave their team captain time to think. 

Bastard  
Faggot  
One more lap.  
You deserve this glass bottle to the head  
Just one... more...  
You're a low life suck up  
Go run back to daddy   
Only a few more steps.  
Youre team hates you  
Your father hates you

Ushijima stopped and fell to his knees. The week before his father got in an argument with Ushijima. Which had never happened before. Ushijima asked him not to go to his mother's. But his father insisted. He had said please so many times. His father was getting angry. 

It was so out of chare get of him that it startled him. He suddenly had felt like his father had hated him.

Maybe that was true.

Ushijima sat on the floor, knees curled up to his chest. It was his night to put away things anyways since the person who supposed to help was sick at the time. 

Slowly, he lifted himself carefully from where he had himself sitting on the floor.  
\-----  
After putting away all the volleyballs and taking care of the net, Ushijima started changing. 

He was taking off his shirt when suddenly yelling occurred. He had seen something like this before in movies. It was a giant water gun fight. His teammates came running in and ambushed him. 

But all he could think was his mother puring cold water over him and his stepdad hiding a gun. He had woken up to them having to pack things up because they couldn't pay for rent. And decided to leave at night so the landlord didn't catch them. It had scared him. They where definitely drunk, the smell of alcohol was radiating off of them.

The memory was the last straw for Ushijima. He was tired. Scared. And felt bare for the world to see.   
He went against the lockers and slid down them, and folded his legs. He buried his head between his folded arms that where on top on his legs. 

"Oh my God guys stop! Stop! Look." Semi saw the curled up boy on the floor. He was shaking you could hear sobs breaking from his body. The could physically see marks on his skin. It was old burn marks and lashes that came from where no one wants to know. Cruises were scattered all along his body from what they could see.

"Please," can a soft whisper, "please stop."

His body shook with fear. 

Never show emotions was one thing he followed strictly. Except, when it came down to beating and beating, he knew he was going to break. 

And he could feel himself deteriorating.

The way Ushijima was put his team in a state of worry. They tried not to panic but it was difficult seeing such a strong leader break before them.

"First and second years, please leave. Your upperclassmen will handle this." Said Semi taking control over the situation. 

"Okay big guy, it's going to be alright." Tendou continued to reassure the man. He sat down infront of him.

"Hey, is our special ace doing alright in there?" He asked while looking at the arms that encased Wakatoshi's head.

He lifted his head up from where he had if within his arms. Puffy eyes and a pale face looked at Tendou, and then his other teammates around him.

He felt horrible, and embarrassed for the way he was acting. Guilt was taking over his still shaking body, making it worse.

"I'm so- so sorry. Im sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry" upon hearing this Tendou quickly tried to shut it down. 

"No Wakatoshi-kun. You have nothing to be sorry for. Are you apologizing for being human? It's okay to be upset." Tendou still didn't know why Wakatoshi acted the way he did, but he had a feeling it was related to the markings on his body.

"I can't go back. Please make it stop. Please make it stop." He cried he shook his head trying to get rid of the images that passed through. He could see the belt coming his way and hitting him. He could here his mother and stepfather screaming at him to be better. To not be a waste of anyone's space no more. 

"Hey hey. Look at me. Wakatoshi. Look at me." Tendou started saying. Ushijima started at him intensely, listening to his friend.

"You aren't there. I'll make sure you will never go back there. I'm not quite sure where it is that is this horrible, but I promise that you will never see that place again." He carefully, and slowly put his hand on his Ace's shoulder. 

Ushijima nodded, finally acknowledging his surroundings. He looked around to see his teammates giving him soft smiles and nods. 

\-----------  
After a week, Ushijima had talked to his father about it again, but through the support of his teammates. They stood there while he listened. He felt so torn apart by hearing this. 

He never had Ushijima go to his mother's house again.

Even with the trauma that still have him panic attacks and sent him into sad times, he tried hard to feel better.

He knew it was going to take time.

But whenever he could, he would always thank his teammates.


	3. Blood

Ushijima was a simple man. Accept his life wasn’t simple. He loved his father and greatly appreciated his volleyball team. He enjoyed bike rides along country dirt roads. He also found it calming once he had reached the garden behind his home. Those were the only things that mattered to him. 

That is until the police came when he was 15. His mother in a drunken rage had murdered his father while he was asleep. He could still remember the smell of blood as he reached his father’s bedroom door way. His mother stood over his loving father with malice. She had a crazed look in her eye as she told him in a soft whisper-

“Go back to bed sweetie. Mommy will take care of you in the morning.”

Pain was all he felt as he heard the other gunshot. Then another and another. More and more bullets were fired that night. By the time the police came, it was too late. They saw a young man clutching onto his dead mother and father's hands, begging to die as well. Begging for them to come back. He was covered in his parents fresh blood. The police had to pry him away from his now dead family. 

After that, Ushijima was always traumatized by blood and gunshots. He felt like he could always hear the echo of the sound in his ears. It rang in his eardrums as soon as he would step outside. Even in his own house that he now lived in with his aunt still scared him. He was afraid of blood. He could still smell its awful stench and see it all over him. 

The worst part was probably the nightmares. He could always see himself killing off those he loved with a gun and see pools of blood around the pile of limp bodies. He could feel the coldness and weight of the gun in his hand. He could feel his arm raising it up to his own head and pulling the trigger without hesitation. 

Reality would finally come back from those nightmares but keep him out of breath. He would struggle and cry while clawing at his chest. That's one of the reasons he got to practice early. He had to hide himself while he changed to avoid questions about the marks on his skin. 

But whenever he played volleyball he felt in control. He felt better about himself and everything around him. It was hard to explain but things just felt….right. He always hoped they would feel alright. He didn’t know what he would do if something would happen to his sanctuary.   
\---  
It was a good volleyball practice. Nothing was going wrong, Except Ushijima had had a particularly bad night and hadn’t been eating well. He felt out of balance. Which probably caused the catastrophe that was soon to happen. 

His teammates could feel him being off beat which greatly confused them. Ushijima seemed fine but they knew things where off. They could just feel it. Then, one of the team members did feel it. A ball to the face. 

And boy did it hurt like hell. 

Ushijima’s spikes where dangerous, and full of power. He always seemed to never hit someone...until now. The ball hit Goshiki’s face dead in the middle with a horrible smack and bounced off. He stood frozen before the tears welled up. It was a natural reaction to that. He didn’t mean to cry but he wiped away his tears and said a simple “ow”. 

His team looked at him in shock. 

Ushijima was in shock. 

“I- I am sorry. I will go get the school nurse.” Ushijima mumbled barely loud enough for everyone to hear. 

They all gathered around Goshiki as he held his bloody nose. Soon the nurse came with Ushijima in tow. It wasn’t broken, but it was dislocated. He would need to go to the doctor to get it placed right. 

Ushijima had his head tilted down in shame. But when he looked up all he could see was faces of surprise. With all the eyes on him he suddenly felt uncomfortable. Which was something new to the Ace. 

“I am very sorry for the injury I have caused.” He said, trying his best to keep his tone even. Once he saw the blood though, stood frozen. He could suddenly see the blood on his hands. He could see the bodies in his arms. He could feel the warmth leaving their bodies as he continued to smell their blood that dripped onto the floor. 

With that he quickly walked out of the gym to outside. Even though he was outside where he could breathe more properly he could still imagine the warm blood still covering his hands. His breath became ragged once again. He could feel his stomach churn at the thoughts that penetrated his mind. 

"I'm so sorry...so so so sorry" 

"Please don't leave me." 

He stood there with tears falling. He felt ridiculous doing so, but there was no controlling it now. 

He couldn't get the image of their blood out of his mind. He needed to replace that feeling. 

On impulse, he turned around back to the wall of the gym and swiftly threw a punch. 

He could feel the cool wall scrape against his knuckles first. Then the pain set in. He knew he could punch well, but not quite like this. 

He decided it must have been the god forsaken adrenaline from anger that had swelled up in him. 

Speaking of swelling up, he noticed his knuckles doing just that. 

They where already turning the wrong shade of skin color and starting to bleed. But with that came a small wave of relief. He breathed in and out slowly trying to calm himself down. 

"U-ushijima" came a small stutter from the door way he was right next to. His eyes widen, afraid that some one had seen him in such a horrible state. 

There stood Goshiki holding a rag to his nose still bloody. He was with a nurse probably walking out to her office. 

Except on that walk they must have noticed Ushijima punching the wall. The nurse gave him a stern look and waved him over to follow. He assumed she was going to check out his hand. 

Only the occasional cough from the nurse filled the void. Otherwise, he felt rather dumb walking in that silence. He also felt terrible for what he had done, both hurting someone and himself. Plus, how would he play volleyball now? What would he do with his life when he was injured?

He knew never to act impulsive. Though at that moment he made a very bad exception.   
\-------  
As they say in the nurses office waiting to leave as the nurse did paper work in another room, Goshiki began to speak. 

"I know what you did was an accident, but are you okay?" 

Ushijima looked over at the younger boy. He was looking at him with that hope in his eyes that he always did, but this time there was also concern. 

Ushijima never responded. Instead he played down on the row of chairs and out his head in Goshiki's lap. And he decided it was okay to cry as he cradled his hurt hand. 

"Uhm Captain, it's okay! Really! Don't be upset. I've never seen you like this before. You know if you need to tell me anything I'm here for you! Always!" 

"Okay. Thank you Goshiki" he said through some sniffles. With that, he fell asleep in hopes to talk to Goshiki later.


	4. Can We Talk

Ushijima knew that he was in love as soon as he saw y/n. He had turned around with chocolate ice cream all around there mouth smiling at ushijima. His heart thumped in a way he never thought was possible. Time seemed to stop as he was now completely focused on his best friend. Now. his best friend was the person he was severely crushing on.

He didn't know much about love, besides the love he had for his father. But this was different. Nothing like this had ever happened before. He never felt his cheeks grow warm like this and had embarrassment sweep across him like this. 

He only read about love a few times in a manga, but he usually didn't read the mangas themselves. Usually, he would read the ads in them. He knew that was odd and not most people did that, but y/n never said anything about it. 

That was the thing about tendou, he could be himself without him judging him. He also loved all the things that made y/n... well.... y/n. There where fun to be around and interesting. He liked hearing there voice echo through the volleyball court cheering him on and hearing about the latest manga they had been reading. He loved the icecream that was surrounding his mouth, which happened every time the team would go out for ice cream. 

"Do I have something on my face Wakatoshi?" y/n asked, showing off the chocolate around their mouth. 

He couldn't help himself at the moment. He let out a laugh, it wasnt big. But it sure caught the attention f his teammates. 

"Yes, you do y/n." He said with a smile. He was falling for this boy fast. 

"WAKATOSHI, you never told me you had such a cute laugh!" y/n said beaming.

Ushijima realised he had never laughed in front of his teammates at all. Upon each of there faces was shock at his little outburst. 

He stopped laughing as soon as he noticed his team members where stating at him.

He looked down and continued eating his vanilla ice cream that he had gotten. He knew they where stating at him but it didn't bother him to much. 

What bothered him was that he showed emotion. He was supposed to not do that. His drunk of a father never allowed him to do that. 

Especially when-

"Ushijima? Are you alright?" Questioned y/n. 

There voice was soft, almost in a whisper. They gently placed a hand on Ushijima's shoulder. The hand was comforting even as he struggled to keep himself composed. 

"Could we talk later y/n? In private?" 

"Oooooooooo. Someone is gonna confess." Called out of his team mates. Ushijima politely shook his head no and proceeded with his ice cream. 

He knew he could always trust y/n. They where one of his closed friend's, Tendou's, sibling after all. They had stuck by him at all times. 

When they finally where walking all home together, Ushijima hung out in the back with y/n. 

"Y/n..... I feel like I can't trust you" he started to say. He looked away and took a deep breath trying to regain his already crumbling composure. 

"I don't feel okay anymore. " He said in almost a mumble. 

"What do you mean?" Y/n said looking at his concerned. Of course they where concerned. Ushijima never acted like this before in his life. And it worried them. It worried them to the point where they asked the others to go ahead and they'll catch up. 

"Are you sure y/n?" Tendou called from up ahead. 

"Yeah, I just need to talk to him. That's all" they replied back. The others gave the pair one last glance before the melted off into the distance towards the setting sun. 

"Sorry about that," y/n said, scratching the back of their neck. They let out a small chuckle before looking into Ushijima's eyes. 

Once they did they completely froze. In those beautiful eyes of his, tears welled up. In the depth of his eyes there could be seen sadness and loneliness. A type of emptiness was there that y/n had never seen before.

"Ushijima." Y/n said soothingly. They reached up and wiped the tears away.

"Im here for you. Always and forever. We can talk about whatever you want to. It's okay." Ushijima let out a little sniffle that didn't get unnoticed by y/n. 

"Okay." He said in a small, quiet voice. 

Together they walked in silence until they found a bench to sit at. 

"Lately, you may think this is odd, but lately I have been feeling... Sad. More than sad. And I've been stuck in this continuous cycle of it. It has been affecting my life so much. I- I've been so scared that it might be depression. But I want to do something about it. It's gotten so bad to the point I've lost interest in volleyball and school. I just.... Im so scared and feel all alone right now." Slowly he leaned his head on y/n's shoulder and closed his eyes. 

Y/n gave them the silence he needed to let lose of his tears. They knew how hard it is to go through it. Back in middle scho they had to go through it. Though, with enough help they got better. 

Y/n began telling Ushijima they know how he feels. They talked to them about their past with depression in their life. Ushijima slowly moved his head to look at y/n. He gave a soft smile. 

"Thank you for listening to me. I've been keeping it to myself for a few months now and it felt nice to say." He began to wipe more years and apologized for it as well. 

"Sorry. I really am. I don't mean to b-burden you at all" 

" Look at me" y/n began in a soft voice. "It is okay to feel this way and talk about it. You won't burden me or anyone about this ever. I promise you that. Your emotions are valid and you should be able to share them as you please. You mean so much to me Ushijima. I personally want to help you get better. Im sure with time, you can even tell the team. But we don't have to rush that." Ushijima nodded with puffy eyes. 

He understood. He felt content to have someone there for him. His heart had always belonged to y/n and at this moment he was forever grateful for them. 

With no hesitation, Ushijima hugged Y/N. 

"Thank you y/n. You mean so much to me too. I trust you with my whole heart. And if I am being honest, you have my whole heart. You don't have to accept me but I want to be with you. Not as just friends but as.... You know...." He mumbled off at the point and nuzzled himself into y/n's neck. 

After a few minutes like that, y/n stroked his hair soothingly and gave a reply. 

"I want to be yours, and you be mine. I want to give and receive help, I want to give and receive love. I want to give and receive companionship."

Together, they walked back to y/n's house hand in hand.

" Thank you for talking to me. Do you really mean it when you said you want to help?"

"Of course I do Ushijima. Remember you can always talk to me." They smiled as they reached their home. 

"Okay. Can we talk again later on facetime? I honestly might miss you too much after all of this not to talk to you."

" Of course." They said and leaned into Ushijima for a small kiss. It was pleasant and sweet. Not to short, bit not for way too long either. It was something that made both content. They pulled apart both smiling and Ushijima's ears red. 

Slowly, y/n stepped away and opened their door. They looked over their shoulder. 

"I'll talk to you later Ushijima. Good bye."

"Goodbye y/n" 

With that, they closed the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Go ahead and send requests!


End file.
